I was in Paris last week and went for a beer at bar near my friend's apartment.  I saw some good Aussie beer that I hadn't had in some time, so in French I asked the barman for 'une pint et une Carlton Cold'.  He gave me a pathetic look and said in a wide Aussie drawl: 'You wanna pint and a Carlton Cold do ya mate?

Martin Whetton, Column 8, Sydney Morning Herald, 15 February 1999

Australians are probably in the running for the world's best travellers.

You name any city in the world, and we will find at least a few happy go lucky Aussies sinking piss with the best of them. Name a major city, and don't be surprised if it even has its own Aussie Rules league filled with expats, all wishing their wife would agree to live in the lucky country, or that they could earn in Oz half of what they are earning the soul-destroying country they had the misfortune of wandering to in their youth. has the following to say to expats:

    Come home ya bastards! You've had your fun - we need you, and your children!

Come home before you speak with some foreign accent using funny words and follow strange and empty sports

Come home before your kids think they are American or English or Singaporian

Come home before *we* think *you* are American or English or Singaporian

Come back to the land and the people that made you the good bloke you are

Come back for a real beer or ten

As well as a laugh

It's our shout

Take a break from drinking like the author of this article did - Read why and how in his book Between Drinks: Escape the Routine, Take Control and Join the Clear Thinkers